Effective 1 JULY 2017

New Employment Regulations. Act 2017

SICKDAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the
doctor, you are able to come to work.

MATERNITY LEAVE
Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first apply
to your superiors and with their approval you’ll then maternity evening dresses
be allowed to be pregnant. It will only be allowed
once in 10yrs and you only get 1 month maternity
leave. No male shall get leave related to his wife’s
pregnancy, sickness or even death (he is not a
midwife, a doctor nor an undertaker)

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed
according to your salary. If we see you wearing
designer clothing we will assume that you are doing
well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You
should not consider having anything removed. We
hired you intact. To have something removed
constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year.
They are called Saturday and Sunday.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance: All employees
whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to
8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go
from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go
at your allocated time, it will be necessary to wait
until the next day when your turn comes again. In
extreme emergencies employees may swap their
time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors
must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit
in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will
open..

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so they can look healthy, normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch